Happy New Year! We are in the throes of a busy and snowy winter, ski racing, and adolescence. Our son turned 16.  Holy Hannah.  How did that happen?  He has been driving with us legally for six months now, and he finished Drivers Education.  His instructor told me at the last session that he was a good driver, confident and appropriately talkative, when many teenagers are not.  I asked him if there was such a thing as too much confidence with a new driver, and he assured me that Carver would be fine.  He does prefer me to drive when the roads are snowcovered, which I’m happy to do, but at some point– he will be on the road without one of us as his co-pilot, which is why I’m holding onto the steering wheel for as long as I can.  

This time in the car together is everything– it’s where we have our best chats actually- covering all kinds of ground.  It was just like yesterday when one of our best family friends, Evan, who, along with his little brother Oliver, used to spend a ton of time in my car until he got his own license a couple of years ago, promised me on the first day of 5th grade puberty class (when Carver was in 3rd grade, Greta in second, and Ollie in first) that he would be Carver’s puberty guru for life.  Oh my word did we cackle.  All of us.  Ollie and Greta had no idea what was so funny.  Third grade Carver could not wait for puberty class in 5th grade, and Evan was just excited because this meant he was grown up and had secret knowledge– but he was willing to share that knowledge with his little buddy.  The laughter, memory and innocence of childhood is why I’m holding onto the steering wheel for as long as I can.  

More recently, while driving from our local rope tow home, the more serious topic of “sending nudes” came up.  I reminded them that we do not send or request nudes of any kind because that kind of shit is going to follow you for a lifetime and NOT in the best of ways.  C was in the backseat, and I could see his sheepish smirk in the rearview when he promised me that he had not, nor would ever, send or request nudes.  I realized immediately he omitted another key word in his promise to me to which I reminded him to delete anything and everything.  G started to say something else, and her brother stopped her with a shake of his head, which is why I’m holding onto the steering wheel for as long as I can.  

Their little open books, seemingly widesprung just a couple years back, are still cracked, but I can feel them closing a little bit each day.  I try to explain to Geoff that when they talk first that’s when we really need to listen.  What I know to be true about teenagers is that they do, most of the time, circle back once they pass through this 15-18 year old identity crisis.   With almost 30 years of teaching other people’s teenagers in my experience, none of it truly prepared me for our own at home.  I know part of their development is separating from their parents, being everything between awesome and asshole, developing their own ego– and I know it’s normal.  But– man– alive— is— it —hard, which is why I’m holding onto the steering wheel for as long as I can.    

Driving back from Stowe, VT, Tuesday night with Greta in the front seat, after a long two days of ski race training with some of the fastest girls in the east, she played her music– we sang our favorite lines loud and proud, and she didn’t yell at me to stop singing like her brother tends to do.   When she asks me to hold her ski straps for her at race, I tell other race moms that it is as good as being hugged– it’s her way of saying, “Hey, Mom, I’m so glad you are here, and you holding my straps makes me feel connected and safe,” instead of actually saying any of that.  She was upset for another girl whose mom was saying all the wrong things that day on the hill.  I pat myself on the back knowing that even though I’m not perfect as a parent, I am really crushing this ski racing parent sideline gig.  I was trying to get off of VT back roads and onto the highway before it got really dark.  She had to use the bathroom so I pulled over at this super cute general store, and she asked if I would come inside with her.  I could road trip with her forever, which is why I’m holding onto the steering wheel for as long as I can.  We bring them into this world; we keep them safe and drive them to and from everything; then on the eve of turning 16, they accuse us of being too controlling, and we giggle inside our hearts thinking they haven’t seen anything yet.